The following is a fictitous work by one "FrankGrits" of  TheNation.com Blog: Any resemblance to the reality of those it portrays is strictly intentional and is NOT the fault of the author nor the webmaster...

Cheney, from the corner of his mouth, " Sir, there's no soft targets in Afghanistan. Right Rummy?"

Rummy, "No, just a lot of damned mountains."

Dubya, whispers in Cheney's ear, "I love when you call me sir in front of all these important people, ‘specially my dad."

Cheney, "no problem Dubya, ‘cept your dad's asleep."

Bush laughs, shoulders bobbing up and down, "Good thing. He can say he was out of the loop again."

Condi, "I'd like a drink too Mr. President."

Dubya, "Oh yeah sorry. What do YOU people drink these days?" Powell sneers.

Hastert, "Mr. President, no offense sir but I've got to catch the red eye to get back and vote on the tax cuts for us rich guys. Can we get on with why you've called us here?"

Dubya, "Oh yeah, I fergot. Getting' near my bedtime ya know. Anyways, A'm thinkin' of shootin' some missiles at Saddam fer tryin' to assassinate Poppy and I wanted ya'all to know that I need another reason ‘cuz the folks will never let me do it for that reason. Tenet, says some guy named ‘Curveball or Screwball or sumpthin' like that says the Saddam's makin' nucler bombs or sumpthin' like that. Ah need yer help with some stratergey."

Condi, "Mr. President, that's no problem. Just scare the people, ‘er folks. They're already beside themselves because of 9/11."

Rumsfeld leans over to Condi and whispers in her ear. "Good point, but you know Saddam had nothing to do with 9/11."

Cheney, "Lynn, get out that recipe for kool-aid"

Rove, "You took the words right out of my mouth."

Powell, "I don't know, I'm a military guy and I'm a little uncomfortable with pulling our guys out of Afghanistan to go after Saddam. We haven't got OBL yet."

Cheney, "Colin, what did I tell you about that?" Poppy farts. Everyone chuckles. Condi blushes.

Dubya, "Karl, are we gonna have any trouble pullin' this thing off?"

Rove, "Well you just let me take care of all that."

Powell, "I don't know, You're going to get a lot of guys killed, to say nothing of innocent Iraqi's. What about that."

Cheney, "Fuck the Iraqi's. They hate us anyway besides my former employer stands ready to repair whatever damage we do."

Dubya, "That might not look good to the folks."

Rove, "I'll handle that too. You just need to keep making rah rah speechs in front of friendly military audiences. The people will suck it up." Powell squirms.

Powell, "But what about the troops. They'll suffer great losses.?"

Rumsfeld leans over to Cheney and whispers, "We're gonna have trouble with this guy but he's got a point about the troops."

Cheney whispers back, "Fuck the troops. They all volunteered anyway. We'll just keep the flag-draped coffins out of public eye and the sound bites coming. Besides, they should have gone to school instead like me."

Rove, "General Powell, your concerns are of utmost importance to us. We will get you all the intelligence you need to make the case before the UN and put your fears to rest." Rove winks at Cheney.

Powell, "Well ok, but what about bin Laden?"

Cheney, "Goddamn it Colin, forget about Osama, he's only one man. Can you say OIL?"

Dubya, "Heh heh, Old Jed's a millionaire."

Condi, "Well for what it's worth, I for one don't want to see any mushroom clouds over Manhatten."

Dubya, "Laura, get Condi a nuther cocktail. "Heh heh, I said cock." Everybody chuckles, Powell sneers, Hastert looks at his watch.

Laura yells from the kitchen, "Hold on Honey, I've got the twins on the phone. They've been arrested again."

Cheney leans over and whispers to Rummy, "Damn, what did those two easy pieces do now?"

Rove whispers to Cheney, "Damn interruptions, and someone give Poppy a nudge. His snoring and farting is ruining what we're trying to do here."

Dubya, "OK", yawns, "What if we don't find any weapons? I'll be tarred and feathered in the polls."

Rove, " You worry too much. Have I ever let you down? Besides we got my friend Rush to make our case to the base. Hey that rhymes, heh heh, As long as we keep him supplied with Oxycontin and fine cigars, he'll say anything we want. His dittohead listeners will fall right in line."

Dubya, "But still, what if…….?"

Cheney, "We'll just fall back on plan B and if that fails, plan C and so on ‘till we reach the end of the alphabet. By then we'll be re-elected and none of this will matter. Oh, by the way, everybody buy Halliburton stock now." Hastert sneaks out of the room and hightails it back to Washington.

Powell, "OK, just suppose we can pull this invasion off with a minimum of casualities. Will you agree to get Osama then?"

Rove, "Sure." Winks at Cheney again.

Laura calls out from the kitchen, "Sweetheart, can I see you out here for a moment please?" Dubya leaves the room, Powell hits the john.

Cheney, "OK kids, this is going well. All we have to do now is make sure that Colin doesn't go all weak-in-the-knees."

Rumsfeld, "There is something that does concern me though. Thought this would be a good time to bring it up. We don't have enough body armor to protect the troops. What do I tell the White House Press Corp if they ask about that?"

Rove, "Just Dazzle ‘em with brilliance and baffle ‘em with bullshit. It works every time on those people. Besides you go to war with the army you have."

Rummy, "Hey, that's a good line. I'll have to remember that one."

Condi, "You know, I've been listening to you guys and I think we just might be able to pull this thing off. Dubya doesn't care about OBL anyway. They're old friends. Outta sight, outta mind as the old saying goes."

Rove, "You know Condi. I like the way you think. After Colin leaves us, I'm gonna recommend that you take his place."

Condi blushes again and gets all creamy. "Colin's leaving?"

Rove, "oh yeah." Powell re-enters the room with toilet paper stuck to his heel.

Poppy looks up and says, "Wha, who, stay the course", and goes back to sleep.

Dubya, "Sorry for the interruption folks. Seems Babs and Jen been partyin' again." Laughs, bobbing shoulders up and down. "Hey Colin, heh heh, did ya know ya got asswipe stuck on yer shoes." The room erupts in hearty laughter. Poppy farts again. Rove pees his pants.

Rove, embarrassed says, "Excuse me", and heads off to the powder room to blow-dry his boxers.

Dubya, "Now, where were we?"

Powell, "You were about to guarantee me that you would go after OBL if I sign off on your plan and convince the UN."

Dubya, "Karl, what do you think of that? Karl, KARL! Damn Turd Blossom. Never around when I need him. Wait ‘till he gets back ok?"

Powell, "Sure, sure." Looks at Condi who shrugs.

Rove returns from the john and leans over to Dubya and whispers in his ear. "Couldn't find the blow dryer. Had to borrow a pair of your wife's bikini undies."

Dubya, "Colin wants us to get OBL if he agrees to make the case for war to the UN and Laura doesn't wear bikini's."

Rummy, "If we go ahead with this thing, what are we going to use for a reason?"

Cheney, "Condi already told you. We are going to scare the beJesus out of everyone and tell them Saddam has the bomb and all kinds of chemicals and anthrax and what have you."

Rummy, "But didn't we give all that stuff to him?"

Rove, "Yeah but most people don't know that and the one's that do we'll just discredit. We'll blame it all on the liberal press and tell Rush to play that angle big. Then we'll get Rupert to talk about anything else but and distract the people, ‘er folks."

Cheney, "Rummy, don't worry so much. Don't you remember the old days? Ask Poppy. He'll tell you how to handle a war."

Rummy leans over to Powell and whispers, "If the stupid son of a bitch took Saddam out then, we wouldn't be here entertaining Junior today."

Powell clearly uneasy now stands up and bellows, "No, I can't be part of this. It's flawed reasoning. I have too much dignity to be a part of this deception." He looks at Condi for support. She looks away.

Dubya, "Aw c'mon Colin, this is gonna be great. Wait until you see the fireworks on the TV. We're gonna shock and awe the towelheads. Stop worrying, we'll just tell Fox News to tell everyone that Saddam was in cahoots with those guys that knocked the towers down. They report and we decide, heh heh."

Cheney, "Yeah and besides if worse comes to worse we could always blame Bubba."

Poppy wakes up again and mumbles something about a thousand points of light.

Powell, "Ok, bigshot and how are you going to handle Blix? They can't find a damn thing over there."

Cheney, "What the hell difference does that make? Look, the time is ripe. The whole world is behind us because of 9/11. The Iraqi people will throw flowers at us after we get rid of Saddam. George will look like Ike. And best of all Iraqi oil will pay for the whole thing."

Condi, "Sounds like you guys got it all figured out"

Dubya, "It's a ‘slam dunk'. Tenet said so. Besides if something goes wrong, I'll just blame it all on him and fire his ass. He Clinton's guy anyway."

Powell, "I still don't know. I got a bad feeling about this. What if Saddam's army doesn't fight? What if they roll over and later set off a million bombs and pick our troops off like sitting ducks.?

Cheney, "Colin, I'm surprised at you. We have the greatest military in the world. We'll annihilate them."

Powell whispers to Rummy, "Just like Nam."

Dubya, "Hot damn, mah brain just turned to cowshit". Just thought of sumpthin'. War Presidents always get re-elected. I'm getting really psyched now. Karl, get me Blair on the hotline. I'm gonna run this all by him and see what he says."  Ring ring, "Tony, Dubya here. Yeah, Laura's fine, yep twins are good too. They're a little under the weather tho. Nuthin' serious. Hey listen. Me and Ole Turd Blossom are just sittin' around with some of the boys and shootin' the shit. Condi's here too. She's got a great idea."

Condi squirms in her chair like a schoolgirl with a bladder problem. Moist with excitement from her leader's praise she whispers to Colin, "I think he's going to use my idea about the mushroom cloud."  Powell, too numb to speak just shakes his head.

Dubya, "Yeah, It's a slam dunk. Tenet said so. The French you say. Fuck ‘em. If they get out of line, Denny says he knows a guy that will change the name of French fries. I dunno. To freedom fries maybe." Dubya covers the phone with his hand and snickers. "Tony's crackin' up. I think he's in."

Rummy, "Ask him if he knows any other countries that will get on board with this thing."

Dubya, "Tony, can you get some other countries to be part of our little co-lition? Yeah you know like Poppy did? You'll get back to me? Ok, nighty night." Hangs up and exclaims. " Those Brits are always up for a good war".

Powell, "Why's he worried about the French."

Dubya, "He said the French are a bunch of Pussies. Sorry Condi. But I'll handle Mitterrand."

Poppy stirs, "It's Chirac you dumbass."

Dubya, "Sorry Poppy, you know I can never get them world leader's names right. Poppy, POPPY. Sombody check his pulse."

Rummy, "It's ok Mr. President, he just fell back to sleep."

Dubya, "Where was I? Oh, yeah, the co-lition." I'll probably call all those country's that Poppy had in his co-lition. They'll be itching to finish the job. Dick, what was the Capitol of Iraq again?"

Rummy leans over to Rice and snickers, "Bush, Dick and Colin. It doesn't get better than this."

Dubya, "Rummy, how long to you think it'll take to win this war?"

Rummy, "Oh about two weeks or so. Saddam doesn't have much of an Army left. We'll roll into Baghdad and then you can go don your flight suit and land on some aircraft carrier and proclaim victory. The troops will love it and you'll be a shoe-in for re-election."

Dubya, "Yeah it's a good thing ole Jeb is the Governor of Florida huh?" Laughs and bobs the shoulders again.

Cheney, "Stop it George, you're killin' me. My heart can't take it. Wheeeeeew!"

Rove, "OK then I guess we're all on the same page. I'll call Wolfie and Dickie Pearle and tell them the good news. And don't worry about a thing, I'll handle all the details, Especially this Joe Wilson asshole. Hey did you guys know his wife works for the CIA?" Shhhhsssss! You didn't hear that from me, heh heh."

Dubya, "OK then thank ya'all for coming. It's nine-o-five and it's past my bedtime. I'm gonna have sweet dreams tonight. Wow, A WAR PRESIDENT just like Poppy. But just one question. What happens if the troops don't find any weapons and stuff?"

Rove, "Don't worry about it Mr. President. We'll just have you make a joke about it at the Correspondents dinner. You can make believe you're looking under the desk or something like that. You'll bring the house down. Sweet dreams."

And the President went on to re-election and the WMDs were never found. The evil doers rallied behind their fallen leader and set off a million bombs. The coffins still come in under the cover of darkness and the President still gets to bed by nine, but there is some noise outside the ranch.

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